you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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