Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize