I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
