just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
