Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
