I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
