i need an iv and a liver transplant
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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