Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
