Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
