I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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