You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
