I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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