in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
