you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
