I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
