the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
