Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
