First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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