My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
