I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Found the puke drawer
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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