We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
