I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
