If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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