Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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