She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
