he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
