We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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