Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
