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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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