I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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