and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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