She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
