If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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