Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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