dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
