So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
