is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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