So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
