I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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