Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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