My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
