I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
