I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
