Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
