Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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