I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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