White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
