i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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