I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
