my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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