Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
