You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
