If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
