You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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