you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
