I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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