Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
