im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
