im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
