I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize