I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
