Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
