wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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