Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
