is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize