my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
