Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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