Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
