imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
